I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
