I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
