I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
