All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
