I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
