im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
