You made me cry and you don't even care
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
