i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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