im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
