My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
