I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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