Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
as a side note pls kill me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
