Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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