Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
