I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize