do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
