Whatcha textin bout Willis?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
two words: eviction party
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
