WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
