I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
