i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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