i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
