Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
