There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
