Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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