Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
