i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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