She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize