dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
