did you get engaged???
Everything about him screamed your future.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
