i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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