Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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