Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
