I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize