I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
