i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
