All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize