do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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