I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize