Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
