I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
