I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
