I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize