Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize