all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
