i was born a porn star she said
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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