mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
