a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize