your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
