Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
