your parents love me but you hate me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
