Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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