Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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