You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
