this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize