I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
