I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize