She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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