You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
