i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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