Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
