He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
