i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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