nut hugger
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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