Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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