Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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