only if we run a train.
done.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
