glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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