He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
