He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
