Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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