We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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