And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
