whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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