remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
