And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
