Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
