I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
