i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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