Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
