Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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