I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
