I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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