So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
