Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
